Written by Morse

Monday, 14 June 2010

image for Van der Sloot: I know where Amelia Earhart is Buried!
Joran: Trust Me, I know where all the bodies are buried!

Serial sociopath Joran van der Sloot, saying 'get me outta here, my hemorrhoids are killing me', told investigators he would lead them to the grave of US aviatrix Amelia Earhart missing since 1937 just prior to WW II.

Law enforcement officials in Peru where van der Sloot is being held after confessing to yet the death of another young girl, said" the lad is all puckered up and suffering from severe cramps trying to keep his teeth clenched and his cheeks together!"

The Dutch serial killer has already picked up extortion money from at least two, and possibly more sources promising to lead them to the grave of missing spring breaker Natalee Holloway who disappeared in Aruba just over five years ago.

In all cases, after taking the money and going off on another stalking spree, he laughed and said he had lied embarrassing several TV network execs who hoped they had broken the case and helped their ratings.

Joran, who authorities said was allowed to keep his lap top, has also said to be researching the cases of missing NY Judge Force Crater, Jimmy Hoffa, and Boston's Whitey Bulger.

Carter disappeared mysteriously in 1930 from NY, Hoffa is thought to be under the goal posts in Giant's Stadium, and Bulger, on the FBI's most wanted list is said to be moving around international nudist resorts bragging "I have nothing to hide."

Attorney General Eric Holder is said to be 'kicking around' Joran's offer and tapping into remaining TARP funds to finally get to the bottom of the Earhart disappearance. "I think Joran's only valid claim is on the where abouts of Amelia," he said talking to Chris Matthews on "Hairball" the CNBC information channel for the Regime.

"To date, Joran only seems to have a preference for killing young women, and in 1937 Amelia was pretty young...all the rest of these people were men, and to date he's hasn't killed any of them. I think he's credible."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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