Marijuana Smokers Denounce Bush

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Wednesday, 2 March 2005

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A new Bush in the White House?

Placid marijuana users across the globe have reacted angrily to revelations that the US President, George W. Bush, may have smoked dope.

An out-of-character outburst has come from Sefton Delmer, Chairman of Hopheads International, who has strongly condemned any suggestion that the President has tried grass.

As the White House ponders implications of a secret recording by a friend, where Bush is implicated as to having intimate knowledge of the hemp plant, Delmer claims the very idea of the Republican figurehead sparking up is both "repugnant" and a reactionary move aimed at "fuelling irrational fears over the use of soft drugs".

"This is repugnant," said Delmer at the 22nd European Cannabis Conference in Dubrovnik, Croatia. "All the President of the United States is doing is fuelling irrational fears over the use of soft drugs."

He revealed that devoted weed smokers across the globe were binning their stashes as Bush epitomised a new fear of chronic mental health problems related to the Class C drug.

"The world is divided into two parts," explained Delmer, "smokers and non-smokers.

"That is what gives reality its perfect balance. Bush is a non-smoker, always has been and always will be. To hint otherwise is to throw everything out of balance and create a world of uncertainty and disharmony.

"If Bush has ever turned on and what we see is the result, then the planet is screwed.

"This is a cynical move that says: ‘Smoking dope makes you mad, look at me, I'm proof of that, I'm the President and I know what I'm talking about'.

"He may have a kangaroo loose in the top paddock but it's got damn all to do with smoking a joint.

"If there was ever a remedial case in desperate need of skinning up some Syrian sunshine, then it's that guy in the White House."

Nevertheless committed dope smokers are stubbing it out in droves, donning neckties and desperately seeking invitations to join respectable organisations like The Rotary Club.

"I don't want to turn out like him (Bush)," said Willy ‘Voodoo Chile' Kronski. "I've been smoking for 20 years and I just can't risk it. It's too much to handle; every time I take a toke I have a white-out.

"Every time I shut my eyes, I see Bush and Condoleeza Rice sitting in their underwear, eating ice cream and giggling.

"I don't need that in my head."

UK Prime Minister Tony Blair has issued a statement in his pre-election build up saying that, if it is a vote catcher, he has smoked loads of dope; if it isn't, he has never touched it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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