Al "Green Money Machine" Gore, more often referred to as that "F*****g Dim Bulb" by critics after his global warming scam was uncovered, is now pushing a 40 Watt LED bulb 'guaranteed to last 17 years. For $50!
But wait, if you order now, according to Gore Spokesman Billy Mayes, brought back from the grave especially for this promotion, Gore will send you a months supply of anti-flatulent tablets for you AND your pet to use to cut down on global emissions. Shipping and handling, extra of course!
Gore claims the bulbs have been tested continuously for 17 years at Motel 6's throughout the US where they claim in their advertising, "We leave the light on fer yer!"
Unfortunately, the low voltage bulbs have resulted in unprecedented claims by travelers who have stumbled through almost total darkness in parking lots, and in dimly lit hallways.
In yet another little known fact, the US government has mandated that the light bulbs citizens have been using since Thomas Edison, the incandescent, will be phased out over the next 4 years, making it ILLEGAL to have any 'regular' bulbs by 2014.
According to the Government Accounting Office (GAO) the stealth legislation was put through on executive order by Bill Clinton as a favour to Gore along with the several hundred fund raising pardons Bill used to finance his "Presidential Library."
According to a few notes found under the dead body of Vince Foster, a child hood friend of Bills, and the alleged Surrogate Sex Therapist for Hillary, the Quid Pro Quo was a 10% stake in Gore's light bulb company marketed under the "Darkness at Noon" logo now closely associated with the Gaseous and Shadowy Gore.
Gore also quoted the East Anglican Science Laboratory as attesting to the longevity of the bulbs and the claim that they are 77% more energy efficient.
Purloined E-mails from a few scientists from the lab indicate that whilst the bulbs did save energy and seem to last longer, they were basically useless as "nobody can see shit and it is impossible to work at your desk," according to one disgruntled worker.
PM Gordon Brown is said to be backing the bulb prior to the UK election saying dimly, "Finally, now everyone will see things the way do!"
The White House is said to be anticipating the changeover and has ordered over 6.5M additional light fixtures so that where one 100 watt ceiling light would suffice in an office, three (3) 40 watt units would now be needed to provide adequate light under employee health and safety codes.
Washington insiders also report that Tipper Gore is now dissatisfied by Al's other invention, The Solar Powered Dildo that debuted last year in The Spoof.
According to sources, the device has similar failings as it's inventor: It no longer holds a charge or thrills you for more than a New York minute!
