Warsaw, Poland: Ethnic joke specialists from around the world were summoned to Poland in the wee hours this morning to meet in an emergency joke crafting session after the crash of a Russian airliner carrying the Polish President, and several high ranking Polish dignitaries.
"This is the biggest thing to happen for Polish jokes since the elevation of John Paul II to Pope," said one Polish official close to the meeting. "In recent years, Polish jokes have almost completely disappeared from casual conversation; this is our chance to get back on the map. Dumb blondes, rednecks, and Obama supporters set aside, the Polacks are back!"
Attendees of the conference reads like a "Who's Who" of the ethnic and offensive joke world. Among the first to arrive was Boris Polokski, creator of the legendary "Hail Mary, full of grace, dagos are in second place," series of jokes from John Paul II fame in the early 1980's. "I just can't believe he's here. I mean, I know this is big, but just seeing him... I think I need some water, but I'm afraid of him afraid of him smacking the toilet seat down on my head when I go to get a drink," said one gushing fan.
Modern day maestros in the medium of ethnic slurring are in attendance, as well. Including the elusive high tech team from Fresno, California, credited with popularizing the "What's the difference between a gold ball and an SUV? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 300 feet without hitting a tree," genre.
"We need a mix of new and old," said one unidentified official planning the conference. "We just simply have to have a series of unnecessarily rude, tasteless, and preferably sexually harassing jokes ready for mass public consumption on Monday morning. This situation is just too important to let petty bickering between the old guard and the new allow the damn Chinese to beat us to the punch again.
"I mean the classic Polish standards are great. But, just how many times can you wave at a one armed Pollack to get him out of a tree before it's just not funny anymore? You would think jokes about a Polish airplane missing a runway would be a no brainer. I mean a real open net goal. If we do not include the genius that brought us jokes about blondes not using birth control pills because they can't stop them from falling out, we'll just end up with a bunch of stupid one liners comparing a Polish men's inability to consistently hit urinals and runways."
African-American leaders were quick to express outrage at the conference. "Polish jokes in this day and age," mocked one unidentified leader. "For every old Polish joke there are about 10 black jokes that are 20 times funnier. Seriously, American has its first African-American President and all he can do is screw things up and we're talking about Polacks crashing airplanes? Listen! 'Hoe-de-do! Hoe-de-do.' The President is chasing an elevator again. Now that's funny."