Visitors to Ireland have always responded to its bewitching romanticism. The Emerald Isle, that mist-wreathed faery kingdom - rich in wild landscapes, home of literary giants like Yeats, Joyce and Beckett, resounding to the heartbreaking lilt of its own brand of traditional folk music - draws tourists from around the globe in search of food for the soul and respite from the pressures of modern life.
The conviviality of Dublin's pubs, the shy, remote beauty of Connemara, Cork's awesome coastline, County Clare's mystical Burren plateau, horse racing in Tipperary. It's all there and we all know about it and many are those who have tasted these delights, and been intoxicated for life.
But it seems that there are still corners to explore, secrets to uncover. But it seems that there are still corners to explore, secrets to uncover. Moreover, it seems that Ireland's mystical character has deeper and darker depths than overseas visitors have hitherto realised.
Tourism Ireland is promoting a new brand of dark attractions, in an attempt to add something damaged and strange to the traditionally benign Celtic healing mix.
"Our strategy has been to introduce these new attractions gradually. We don't want to scare our visitors away! We have been testing the waters, so to speak", said Tourism Officer Finbarr O'Flaherty.
"The haunted castle at Ballyboyle, where the disembowelled virgin princesses walk hand in hand at midnight along the South Terrace, before visiting each guestroom in turn, has been a great success.
"Also, the feast of the Cannibal Leprechauns of Drumrowle in County Mickleford is already showing healthy visitor stats. Japanese tourists in particular seem to enjoy the ritual slaughter and dismemberment.
"And we are delighted with the increasing interest in the slave trading, rape, pillage and genocide attraction on the far southern coast region of Dongle Bay, where the Moorish Pirates wreak havoc on the local peasant population. Visitors from the USA say it reminds them of their own heritage (we are currently working on a new Potato Famine Emigration re-enactment, which we are sure will also appeal to our North American friends).
"After these successes, we feel ready to unveil what we believe will become Ireland's flagship attraction in the coming months and years."
"The Legendary Sunken Ogre of Ballybutton has been a well-kept secret in the peat boglands of the Shillelagh, near the shores of Loch Nerg in County Buggerary.
"Here, in the lee of the Frigge Mountains, lie the remnants of ancient villages, the legacy of whose barbaric customs has recently been discovered by archaeologists. This is where increasing numbers of the Shillelagh bog people - the well-preserved corpses of those cruelly-sacrificed to pagan dieties - have been unearthed.
"And it seems that the Legendary Sunken Ogre of Ballybutton might have been the very pagan deity to whom these ancient people were in thrall."
In hushed tones, Mr O'Flaherty went on to describe this awesome demi-godlike creature.
"Fergus McCarthy, the Legendary Sunken Ogre of Ballybutton, slumbers deep within the sacred bog of the Shillelagh. His resting place has hitherto been known only to local people and scientists and spiritual leaders versed in the complex lore of the Shillelagh.
"While he slumbers, all is well, and mortal men may go about their business. But every now and then, he awakes, and rises, roaring, from his bog, with bloodshot eye and mouth agape, great poteen jamjar in hand, a fearsome sight for anyone unlucky enough to witness his awakening.
"Then, with voice loud as a thunderstorm, he drinks deep from his jamjar and roars his threats and imprecations at the world, shaking his gnarled fists at the sky, cursing passing aeroplanes, tractors, motor cars, charabancs, hypocrites, aspiring writers and sad priests going their lonely rounds by bicycle.
"Those who have witnessed this hideous spectacle have reported that they were transfixed with horror while it lasted, but that, once Fergus McCarthy has exhausted himself with his roaring, and the dregs of the poteen are drunk, he sinks back down, deep within the sacred bog, and all is peace again, save a snoring, deep in the bowels of the bog; the cry of the curlew can be heard once more; and witnesses report that they actually feel strangely inspired and energised by their experience.
"Hitherto it was only the occasional hiker, or careless farmer who disturbed the Sunken Ogre of Ballybutton, but Tourism Ireland is excited by the prospect of making this site a World Heritage Centre. We are constructing a Visitor Centre, with a Viewing Gallery; and the braver souls will be able to tread the Ogre Walk and awake Fergus McCarthy from his slumbers, and the ensuing awful spectacle may be viewed by all present."
And there was one more piece of Shillelagh lore that Finbarr O'Flaherty wanted to divulge. "Legend has it that Fergus McCarthy, deprived of human sacrifices for so long, has hungered for suitable victims for centuries. He has had to content himself with shaking his gnarled fists at the sky, cursing passing aeroplanes, tractors, motor cars, charabancs, hypocrites, sad priests going their lonely rounds by bicycle, and harassing aspiring writers on humorous website "The Spoof".
"We think - and we have archaeological evidence to back us up on this - that our World Heritage Centre visitors will keep Fergus McCarthy fully occupied in the future. The only ones subject to his thunderous railing will be those who choose to be so subjected.
"Passing aeroplanes, tractors, motor cars, charabancs, hypocrites, sad priests and unsuspecting Spoof writers will all be able to go about their businesses unmolested."
Tourism Ireland are surely to be applauded for this brave and creative move to make full use of their ancient cultural heritage.
