A spoof writer has hunted down his closest rival and killed him after he was unable to overtake him in the spoof league tables.
Try as he might the writer, who cannot be named for legal reasons, never managed to overtake his victim to the top 5 spot.
His wife tells how he became obsessed, living on cheap instant coffee and crisp sandwiches he would be writing stories some 20 hours a day to try and catch his rival, she told how he would scour newspaper articles, local news stories and celebrity magazines at the hope he could write a story catchy enough to earn him the points he thought he deserved.
"He used to get so irate" told his wife, "when people used to read his articles but didn't rate them".
The wife is starting a support group for those addicted to writing articles and checking their league positions.