Breaking News - Spoof Writers Invited to Vatican
Father D.U. Wannabbet, spoke from the pulpit today in an futile attempt to calm his congregation.
Both women were screaming and spitting, banging their handbags on the pews and throwing prayer books and bibles at Father Wannabbet.
He took refuge behind the altar armed with two candlesticks and began swigging the Communion wine.
When asked by a passing news crew, who had heard the noise when they were passing the church, what the fracas was all about, one woman said:
"It's that stupid fat fella, 'im who wears fancy frocks and who lives at the Vatican. 'Es just gone and invited some of those 'eathen Spoof writers to the Vatican 'asn't 'e? Stupid fart. I 'ope he trips on the 'em of one of 'is fancy frocks and falls flat on his bloody face. We've never missed a mass 'ave we Margaret? Never missed, not once. And we always go to Bingo, don't we Margaret?"
Her friend continued, "Yeh, Mary's right. 'E is a bleeding idyet. After all wot we've done in God's name. I can't tell you the number of times I've pinched flowers from the cemetry to 'elp decorate that bleeding church.
Then that pope fella 'e sits up there in 'is fancy Vatican and doesn't bother to invite good God fearing Catholics like me and Mary 'ere. Who the feck does he think he is the pompous creep? 'E goes and invites those writers from The Spoof. Granted they are excellent writers. I love the religious Spoofs the best."
During her comments, she began to visibly calm down.
Mary's friend, Margaret was calm too as she continued,
"Well, I'll be telling yer this for nowt. I'm changing to being a Protestant from now on. Yer don't 'ave to go to bleeding confession if you're a Protestant. You can just do what the 'ell yer like. Are you gonna be one too Mary?"
Mary answered, "I don't think so Margaret, I'm thinking of becoming a Jew because I love their food and the way they speak as if they are choking on something."
"Ah well luv, they say a change is as good as a rest."
With that the two women went their different ways.
The News crew entered the church and lifted the weeping Father Wannabet, up from his fetal position on the floor behind the altar and carefully carried him to the front pew.
Although visibly shake, he was able to say a few words.
"Stupid fecking women. The world would be a better place without them."
It's reported that by then he was so drunk, he puked and passed out on the pew.
More to follow as this story unfolds.