'Headless Body In Topless Bar' Guy Denied Parole

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Tuesday, 23 February 2010


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Top Headline - New York Post - Headless Body In Topless Bar.

The man behind one of the most sensational news headlines ever, Charles Dingle has been turned down for parole 27 years after he unforgettably hit the headlines in 'The New York Post'.

Dingle, then 23 robbed 'Herbie's Bar' a New York topless watering hole, where he shot the owner in the head and took four dancers hostage. As Dingle binged on cocaine and alcohol he discovered that one of the hostages was a mortuary assistant and forced her to cut Herbie's head off with a steak knife to retrieve the bullet so that he could destroy the evidence.

Speaking outside the Upstate New York Penitentiary, Dingle's lawyer Art Wolf, obviously disappointed by the parole board's denial told us:

"My client did some bad stuff, sure. But that was twenty-seven years ago and he's mellowed a little since then. I'd just like to say to the parole board that to err is human, to forgive divine. All Charles wants to do is forget about the past and get on with his life. He told me he was keen to visit some lapdancing joints because they're a little raunchier now than they were when he was first incarcerated. He was really looking forward to that, and to trying the crack pipe and showing off his gun to friends. Sadly, because of the intransigence of the parole board it doesn't look like this is going to happen any time soon."

Sobering words indeed.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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