Americans use earthquake as excuse to invade Haiti

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

image for Americans use earthquake as excuse to invade Haiti
Let's find another earthquake-hit place the British don't want

In an action that is almost beyond belief as a blatant bit of Americans trying to take over a country that doesn't want to be taken over, the USA sent thousands of soldiers into the Caribbean nation of Haiti to 'help' the people there.

'It's beyond belief', agreed French minister Alain Joyandet, 'it's shocking to use the death of maybe 200,000 people to grab a bit of land. Well, unlike the feeble USA we French have an intelligent and free press and will say what we like. This is an occupation. Why not send your troops to our colony of Vietnam and lose it instead? Oh, you already did.'

This is not the first time that Americans have invited themselves into parts of the world they are totally unwelcome in. Vietnam, Iraq, Korea. France, Germany, the United Kingdom. In fact, anywhere American soldiers arrive they are greeted wearily as soldiers who can't fight wars but have endless supplies to win them - or rather lose them. Or let others win them for them, and then make movies about them winning them.

It began in 1945 when the USA struggled with the Soviet Union for control of Berlin - but just like the Russians the American army was never asked by anyone to stay in Germany.

And in fact that allowed thousands of Nazi criminals and murderers to carry on running both Germanys while laughing at the two 'superpowers', Americans did nothing there and not even the KGB dared take on the dreaded East German Stasi secret police. Nobody asked the USA to go to Korea or Vietnam, they just did - and lost both wars there.

And in the former Yugoslavia once again the naive GIs arrived to 'keep the peace' there - forgetting that thousands of people had already been murdered across the region in genocidal attacks before they bothered to arrive, attacks that have lasted for nearly 1500 years.

In Iraq they backed and armed Saddam Hussein to fight the Iranians, which didn't work, and they gave him chemical weapons to use on the Kurds. Then when that CIA agent had outgrown his use yet more thousands of American soldiers arrived in Iraq to turn the place into a shambles of anarchy and terrorism.

And US TV is full of shit about 'policing the world', it's a joke that 98% of the world's population knows is a sick joke. President George H. Bush has turned the USA into the most hated nation in the world, even Europeans and America's only real friends the British have given up on the land of the free.

And now yet more US soldiers arrive uninvited to mess up humanitarian aid efforts in Haiti and to play at being soldiers there once more. I wonder how Americans would feel after the city of New Orleans was destroyed if the Chinese army sent thousands of their soldiers into Louisiana to 'help' the people there without asking Americans if they liked it.

And Americans always go to parts of the world that nobody else wants - if you're so decent and want to 'police' the world why not try doing it in Northern Ireland? Or in the Basque Country? Or an important place full of tough Europeans? The US military wouldn't last a second in places like that, or anywhere except for Third World places like Haiti and Vietnam - and usually get thrown out of those places eventually.

Feeble US President Barack Obama was as usual silent about anything adult going on in the world involving the USA, and sent his wife out to buy another puppy to fill up CNN and ABC News with their usual level of intelligent features. Americans meanwhile were full of pride at their troops managing to make it nearly impossible for flights of aid to land in Haiti as so many US war planes were taking up all the air space.

When the French publicly criticise the USA it might just be a good idea to listen to them, and no amount of US TV propaganda fools them or the British or the Spanish. The European Union is as rich and large as the USA and has as many weapons -

and unlike Americans Europeans have thousands of years' of experience at fighting wars, and a combination of the French, British and Spanish could wipe the USA off the face of the world in a minute if they wanted to. Lucky for Americans they don't. But -

Don't say you haven't been warned.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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