International Yellow Snowman Competition Begins This Saturday

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

image for International Yellow Snowman Competition Begins This Saturday
One competition snowman before coloration

Looking for recognition other than being one of the Northern-most and coldest places in the U.S., International Falls Minnesota residents announced plans to host the first annual International Yellow Snowman competition this coming weekend.

Started by a group of patrons from a local pub, who also happened to be fans of both beer and Frank Zappa music, the original competitions were held in the open field behind the pub, thanks to a broken urinal. "After that, we started to attract so many competitors each successive year, that we decided to make it an international competition", says pub owner, Peter Evinstream. "What started as a bunch of guys coloring their own little yellow snowmen, has grown into to this event."

Allowing for larger snowman displays this year meant that teams would need to participate. "That's where picking team members becomes critical", say Evinstream. "If one fella's pee is darker than the others, the judges would deduct points for uneven coloration, but you'll still need enough guys to ensure even coverage".

What was typically a men's event, has fallen to local and international demands to allow women in the competition. The men were clearly pissed, in a manner of speaking. "Well, they have an immediate unfair advantage", Evinstream says. "They just need to climb a ladder and spray away. Nice, even coverage. Our guys tend to drill holes if they're not careful. We don't stand a chance now."

To make up for the increase in competition from the ladies in the Yellow Snowman category, Evinstream has added a new event involving the same ladder and a block of ice. "This competition will be all about accuracy, consistency and force. Each competitor will go for maximum drill depth from a height of 5 feet.".

"It will be tough", said one Canadian competitor. "You'll need to drink beer heavily to create the needed ammunition for drilling but that will certainly affect your aim".

Competition officials are still looking for volunteer judges to sit below the ladder and measure drill depth. Interested parties must own a hooded poncho and metal ruler.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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