While ESPN's crack locker room reporter Erin Andrews was engaged in intimate and revealing up close and personal portraits of the Tampa Bay Bucs' players prior to this Sunday's matchup at Wembley Stadium with the New England Patriots, her co-host, Swash Buckling Soccer & Sex Surrogate Skoob1999 went 'in depth' with the cheerleaders!
The 30 member dance squad, formerly known as the Tampa Bay Swashbuclers (sic) were soon put at ease after the Manchester Mope appeared for a scheduled sit down wearing his pirate costume from a previous, and well recorded, stint on a BBC comedic soap opera, "Below Decks" which had a mild run in the colonies, but was an 'absolute fooking smash in Thailand' according to gay sources there.
"I've always loved 'the pirate thing', said Skoob as he scurried around the milling, scantily dressed Cheerleaders who were dressed in their game day pirate costumes. "Knew a woman onst, brandished a sword about and made me do terrible things! Talk about walking the plank....had to tie one across her fanny so I wouldn't fall in!"
Meanwhile Erin continued her quest, to no avail, to meet and interview a 'name' player on the Buc's starting lineup. All the players, embarrassed with their pathetic record only agreed to be interviewed using their jersey numbers
in hopes that no one 'back home' would recognize them.
Erin asked a number of probing questions, like, "what made you chose the NFL for your occupation?"
Number 82, a tight end from San Jose Junior College, summed it up best.
"Well, ya know, we hadda due somethin! We just couldn't afford to take a pay cut from college ball and just go out an get a regular job like ah, a hedge fund manager, or investment banker!"
When asked what the biggest adjustment was to professional football, number 68 a defensive tackle, identified as 6'8" 385 pound 'Bubba' explained:
"Mostly, it was the language barrier....and all the math...and the reading comprehension. We dinnit have none a dat S****in school! Also staying awake in class....that was a BIG Problem. These coaches don't let ya coast on nuttin!"
Most of the Bucs agreed they were happy a heavy fog was forecast for the kickoff this Sunday. "we might have a chance," said number 3 a second string kicker who hails from Liverpool originally, " we might be able to sneak a point or two across without nobody knowing!" Number 3 admitted he really liked Rugby better, but said, "Hey, it's a living innit? I'll give it a TRY!"
The Bucs are facing the merciless New England Patriots who are coming off a 59-0 thrashing in overtime of the hapless Tennessee Titans, performing flawlessly in a typical New England North Easter that dumped 3 inches of snow on the pitch (sic). The Bucs are 0-6 and can only hope a few 'red cards' issued to their opponents will level the playing field.
The 90,000 stadium is already sold out in anticipation of the matchup, and the rumor, still unconfirmed that The Bonkettes (copyright Skoob1999), might make a last minute appearance.
The British Embassy refuses to confirm or deny that a majority of Bucs players have applied for political asylum anticipating the outcome of the match.
British "Packy" (sic) stores claim they are officially 'sold out' of Stella.
