Al-Qaeda Cash Crisis

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Al-Qaeda Cash Crisis
al-Qaeda - a 4.7% drop in GDP this year

Al-Qaeda is in its worst financial state for many years, according to a statement by the US Treasury.

Senior Treasury official David Cohen said that al-Qaeda had made several appeals for funds already this year, and had organised various events including a bring-and-buy sale, coffee mornings and auctions of captured heads.

The influence of the network, which has been damaged by US efforts to choke its funding, is waning, Mr Cohen claimed.

"We believe al-Qaeda is a spent force in the business sector. Its stocks are low, and they have real financial problems. A number of staff have been laid off, and others will surely follow in the difficult months ahead. Still more will be sacrificed in the lead-up to Christmas. It's looking grim for terrorism."

But there was better news for the Taliban. Afghan groups recorded a fifth straight profitable quarter, and can look forward to the future with much hope. Mr Cohen said:

"The Towelheads in Afghanaria are in a much better position. They've invested much more wisely, and can be positive about their asset portfolio. It's going to be an explosive next 12 months for them!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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