Following Juan Martin del Potro's stunning victory over Roger Federer at the U. S. Open, the government of Argentina, basking in a new-found level of national pride, announced that the country would no longer cry for people. In a further development, the government expressed a new-found sense of self-esteem, obviating the need for people to cry for the Argentine people, pampas, or cattle.
Recognizing the need for some people to live in minor keys, the government kindly advised to world to begin crying either for Paraguay or Bolivia. Treaties revealed today stated these signatories would, upon request, be happy to cry for others, should they properly identify themselves.
In London, Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber began a statement. Sadly, he broke down in tears and was unable to continue.
