NASA's crazy conspiracy theory finds few takers

Funny story written by Onionuttapam

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

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Conspiracy theories couldn't get any more bizarre. NASA, the world's foremost space agency, which was till now a subject of many a crazy conspiracy theories regarding the authenticity of its Apollo 11 landing on moon, has now a spun out a loony conspiracy theory of its own to beat all other conspiracy theories by a wide margin.

Unable to explain the lost original videos of the live transmission of the Apollo's moon landing, NASA claimed that probably the tapes of the original videos were accidentally erased or possibly they were eaten by Pluto, the pet dog, who was employed at NASA during the early seventies to sniff out suspicious-looking packages sent to the agency by KGB, the Russian spy agency, to wreck its moon mission.

According to Dick Nafzger, a TV specialist at NASA's Goddamn Space Flight Center and the leader of the search team, NASA erased about 200,000 magnetic tapes and reused them to record satellite data due to shortage of tapes in the seventies and eighties. The original footage was perhaps a part of this cluster of tapes or could have become dog-food.

"People of the world, we are all saddened that the tapes are not there. After three years of exhaustive search, we have concluded that either the tapes were erased accidentally by our bungling staff or the dog ate them." said Dick Nafzger to the willing-to-be-deceived journalists gathered at the media center of Goddamn Space Flight Center.

It requires an astounding leap of faith to believe that NASA, an agency which has on its employee rolls some of the brightest and most intelligent people on earth, was dumb enough not to preserve the original videos of moon landing, one of the most epochal moments in the history of the 20th century.

The bizarre conspiracy theory put forward by NASA requires us to believe that the agency with its annual budget running into millions of dollars didn't have either the common sense or the funds to buy new tapes to record new footage.

The journalists at the media center volitionally took the leap of the faith opting to focus their fact-finding skills on discovering the traits of the mischievous dog that ate the tapes. When Mr. Dick asked them if they had any questions, he was swarmed by questions relating to the dog.

Can you tell us more about the dog? Was he a Pitbull, a Doberman or a ferocious Rottweiler? Can you release a brief profile of this dog for our morning editions? What were the habits of Pluto? Did he regularly eat stuff at NASA? - the questions poured forth one after another in quick succession. A shaken Nafzger replied that details about the dog that probably ate original moon-landing tapes were very sketchy. "We probably had recorded his profile on one of those magnetic tapes. But as you now know all of those tapes were erased accidentally or were eaten by the dog himself"

NASA's lunatic theory should rank as one of top ten crazy theories put up by U.S. government or any of its official organizations, right there along with nutty, unproved theories of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq or official conspiracy theory of nineteen cavemen from Afghanistan succeeding in cracking the defenses of world's most powerful nation, blowing up and razing to ground three mighty crash-proof towers in a single day without any help from insiders.

While mainstream media which never spares any effort to ridicule loony conspiracy theories generated after every shocking event or celebrity death, has accepted NASA's pathetic explanation of its missing tapes without raising eyebrows, most people including thousands of NASA enthusiasts, find this whacky theory even more implausible than the theory about NASA faking moon landings.

"Although I'm not a believer of conspiracy theories, it is easier for me to believe that NASA used Hollywood to fake the moon landing than to believe that they didn't consider the original videos of the landing important enough to be stored securely in a safe vault, away from moronic staff or hungry dogs." said some guy on the internet.

Mike Adams, a NASA fan and an amateur sky-watcher, too refuses to buy crazy theories of dumb NASA staff erasing historic tapes of moon-landing. "I don't buy this theory at all. Even my 8-year old understands the value of backing up your data. He is paranoid about losing his video games from a hard disk crash and takes regular back-ups of all his files."

Another guy on the internet said, "So after decades of meticulous planning and laborious preparations for the moon landing, and after spending millions of dollars in researching and developing technology to make it possible, NASA succeeds in sending man on the surface of the moon only to dump the original videos of the historical event along with 200,000 tapes without taking backups! And a decade later it erases all of these tapes so that it can record Super Bowl!! Gimme a break!!!"

"If moon-landing was one giant leap for mankind, losing the original footage of this giant leap was ten backward monster leaps in the direction of apekind" wrote a disbelieving skeptic on an internet forum.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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