New UK teen phone to be released

Funny story written by jontee

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

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Sony Ericsson has today announced that it has struck a deal with a supermarket giant, to be the sole provider of its brand new FANII phone.

The new Fanii (pronounced fanny), is 'designed to be everything a teenager wants in a phone', according to Hansel Gretel, UK Sales Director.

Unlike its rival the Iphone, the Fanii will have a hole at the bottom in which teenagers can stick in(no pun intended) their spare change, in return for the phone to start playing music at an ear shattering 500db, through a small tin speaker located on the side. The phone itself is unique as it will not accept pay as you go credit and solely relies on incoming calls only.

In addition to the pay as you go music service, the Fanii phone also allows internet access, but only directly to the manufacturer's and distributor's websites, which according to Gretel are 'the two main sites teenagers use in the UK when looking for life's vitals like beer, baseball caps and jewellery'.

The idea behind the Fanii came from market research which Sony Ericsson carried out in 2007, during which it monitored shoplifting statistics at major supermarkets at key locations around the UK. The phone was then built with its intended user in mind, and as a result has screaming swear word message alerting systems loaded in, as well as pornographic ringtones.

The phone also has an alert function on it, specially intended to be used on public transport when other members of the public complain- When activated, the fanii goes into 'tourettes' mode,in which it swears uncontrollably about the member of publics parents, and will only automatically stop once the complaining member of public gets off the transport system.

The phone is expected to go on sale later this year, and pricing for the handset is expected to be around £1.99. In a clever but cunning ploy to market the phone better, it is intended to put the handsets in its stores next to the alcohol aisles, so that they are within easy reach for teenagers shopping with the supermarket giant.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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