Written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

image for Arabian tour-operators officially open the high-season for heavenly cruises to paradise!
Go 5 star cruises and avoid the African crush!

Arabian Tour-operators have spruced up their fleets of luxurious, crap wooden boats for the opening of the high - season called Exodus from that shithole called Africa. They are expecting record numbers of Black African tourists better known as the "Muy Pobre" boat people, especially as the global financial crisis has made mega poor people even poorer.

The final licks of paint have been applied and the first boats full of "heaven seeking African Pobres" are about to be launched.

The boats used are tip-top ancient fishing boats full of cracks and holes with restaurant facilities on board for the expected, murderous journey. Dry rotting bread and slightly off coloured drinking water are all part of the luxury facilities. Sanitary conditions are also tip-top and pristine clean. The boat people just hang their butts over the side leaving no stinking toilets or waste on - board.

Capacities on boats are being extended to cater for the increasing demands, a boat licensed for 50 people is crammed with at least 250 thus offering a much "tighter" service for its expectant customers! Legal regulations for overloading boats have not been ignored, customs and excise staff in the departing countries have been "backsheed" with 30% of all takings from the Arabian Tourist operators thus licences issued are fully legal and coherent with the countries shipping authorities.

Depending on which country of departure and which direction they are going i.e. Spain, Italy, Greece or the Canary Islands (no African boat people wish to go to that hell on earth otherwise known as Turkey, incarceration conditions are very harsh and the food stinks) they are given either two oars or the ultimate 5 star luxury version, an ancient broken outboard motor, a shove in the right direction and told in perfect Arabian to "FUCK OFF AND NEVER COME BACK AGAIN!"

Once at sea the religious tourists start praying for calm waters and a west or northerly wind to assist them on their cruise towards the promised lands and heaven.

Certain hazards could confront them i.e. Before leaving the coastal waters of the particular country of departure, corrupt coast guards could stop them demand even more tolls for further transit. A massive storm could blow (well known as the Atlantic swell) and capsize the more than overloaded boats, thus drowning the poor bastards. Also, if successful in reaching their heavenly destiny they could be picked up by European coast guards or their navy, dragged back out to open sea and left to perish.

Bent Arabian Tourist operators are relishing the thought of the coming high season and a vast increase in their dirty profits, thus not being affected by the financial meltdown at all and expect to rake in enormous profits offering these heavenly cruises to the promised lands!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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