Geneva, Switzerland - the world's top celebrity journalists have reported that because of the lack of war, celebrity death or scandal, there is little to write about. Conspiracy theorists are also strangely quiet.
A spokesperson for TheSpoof.com said that it was a tragic sequence of circumstances that truly reflected today's society.
Dr Zues is investigating claims that important information is being suppressed from the public. He says there's no such thing as no news and wonders how deep the conspiracy goes.
Because of the lack of news and gossip the word count on this story barely reaches the minimum requirement.
Dr Zues is 49.