The Government of New Zealand, after the fleeting success of Shrek the Sheep, has today released a shock announcement as to how taxpayers' money has been spent.
"We're not really in the news that much, so we wanted to do something big, something that would really help the world. I'd been reading a book of proverbs and suddenly an idea came to me so I suggested that we test all the old proverbs to see if they're true and you can't deny how amazing the results are," a longwinded spokesperson told this very bored reporter.
Firstly, at great expense to the tax paying citizens, an investigation was initiated to discover whether a rolling stone does in fact gather no moss. A large boulder was constructed, from smaller rocks gathered at a local quarry, and then rolled down a major highway. Apparently a rolling stone gathers no moss but does in fact gather two Land rovers and a rather surprised traffic warden.
Next on the list was whether or not too many cooks DO spoil the broth. "We discovered that there are two important variables to consider when creating broth" a Mr. Atherton explains, "if you're cooking a particularly large broth, for a lot of people, then it's more efficient to have lots of cooks and a lower quality broth" continued the fat, balding spokesperson (who incidentally had a distinct smell of broth about him). "However, if you're cooking a broth for just a few people, it's better to have less cooks and less broth, but of higher quality" Mr Atherton explained, whilst gesticulating towards a graph depicting the "cook to broth ratio".
More interestingly, the government is now being bombarded with hate mail, tomatoes and other fruit and vegetables, by animal rights protestors. "They tested whether it's a dog eat dog world" an excitable young man by the name of Orpheus told me, "they used like a Great Dane and a Yorkshire Terrier, I mean it just wasn't a fair test, man! The Dane didn't stand a chance," explained Orpheus whilst re-enacting the battle using only his hands and presumably a great deal of imagination.
The investigations are still continuing into whether whilst the cat is away the mice will play, if what you don't know can't hurt you, and perhaps more poignantly if all that's well ends well.
