The Democratic Party's Presidential candidate, Barack Obama, is making several whirlwind tours of key U.S. towns and cities to pick up votes cast for Hillary Clinton in the primaries.
To make sure he can defeat Republican rival John McCain, neither of whom has announced a running mate, Obama needs to suck up big time to Hispanics, union people, and white women...Hillary's 'constituency.' Now, Hillary will join up with Obama on the road to try to help unify the Democratic Party in order to whip Mr. McCain in November.
Prior to the pairing, Obama had already stepped into doodoo of the faux pas kind in his attempts to pick up the Hillary voters by the ubiquitous sharing of food with people whose votes he needs and by delivering his folksy side on a variety of subjects.
Having gone deep into a West Virginia coal mine, Mr. Obama was heard to utter, "Damned freakin' sweat hole; this place is blacker than Kenya!" And, it's been no easier in Kentucky where Obama went from one Sunday church bar-b-q to another and finally threw up on his campaign manager, David Plouffe. "Man, do I have to gorge on all this pig food to get a few votes? I mean, my middle name is Hussein and we don't eat no hog,!" he was quoted as saying, with vomit still on his own shirt.
Back to Philly and the cheese steak sandwich and the same thing..."I can't take this shit anymore. I need a smoke." He had to be warned by his Campaign Manager, "No way, no smokum!!! No! No! No!"
In New York City, he was barraged with questions from the militant 'Lesbo Coalition for Women's Universally-Given and Gender-Driven Rights Assembly' rally and took a beating with answers that were booed in every case. And, when asked by a dyke reporter from 'Mons Veneris Monthly,' "If Michelle went gay, what would you do?" Obama, obviously angered by the question, quickly countered, "Hey, I'd first look you up and show you my black thing. And, lesbo freak, there ain't no way my ho is going lesbo like you!"
In San Francisco, Obama attended a gay Jewish wedding and said "Maazel Tov" to the groom and groom and claimed he "always felt faggots should be allowed to marry."
Then swinging back to Miami, he told an audience of multimillionnaire oil tycoon retirees, "Hey, guys, we should definitely drill our ases off in these waters. We can tolerate one oil spill a year and scoot people to secondary beaches. Hey, I don't go to the beach anyway. Why? The water and sand are fine, but a nice suntan is for you whiteys, anyway!" The conservative audience hissed and booed and Obama left the stage with his tail between his legs, again!
Another round of 'Won't You Be My Neighbor?' visits took him to western Pennsylvania where a chunk of kielbasa caused him to blast the locals for feeding him pig. "Why the hell, do you people insist on serving me swine. You know my middle name is Hussein and that terrorists are not my friends!!!" Campaign staffers quieted him down, finally. But, he lost that crowd, too!
His last stop took him to the inner city of Los Angeles, where he got a hearty helping of menudo from the official Mexican Mayor of Los Angeles, Pedro Pancho Gonzalez. Again, he sounded off, but before staffers could stop him, he claimed that "Menudo is meant for the lower classes in the barrios..it stinks and it is foul. I want the Mexican Mayor... an illegal?... who fed me this slop to come forward and be sent back south immediately, because I have many stinkin' badges! That badges thing is a riot!" Of course, nobody stepped forward and Obama stormed off to chain smoke eight cigarettes to calm his nerves.
Not believing in breath mints and that sort of thing, his mouth reaked afterwards. After a staffer had turned his head away while speaking to Mr. Obama, Obama blurted out, "Hey, the slaves never had breath mints, either, jerkoff!"
Hopefully, Hillary can shut him up on the upcoming joint tour before his ass is grass.
Copyright 2008 'White House Exposé Journal'