Written by Chuck Barber

Thursday, 13 May 2004

(Brussels) The European Union voted today for a resolution which declares that the United States is more like a retarded bully than a responsible country.

Hotly debated and contentious, the session ended with the United States condemned for "attempting to rule the world with the insane iron fist of George Bush's God.

French delegate Aimee Bologne speaking for those countries in favor of the resolution pointed out that while the United States has a military second to none in the world, which could be used to ensure peace, "It cannot be trusted NOT to use that military force short-sightedly to gain a momentary advantage." An advantage, she pointed out, "Which reasonable and responsible adults would understand likely to eventually backfire."

As an example, Ms. Bologne pointed to the United States' insistence on invading Iraq to shut down a non-existent relationship with terrorists. By the time of the invasion no one, she continued, believed Iraq had been responsible for the 9/11 attacks - except she pointed out, the United States. "The United States forfeited years of what little currency of trust it had in the Middle East for the gratuitous thrill of kicking Saddam Hussein out of power. No one believed Saddam Hussein was a good ruler, or a decent human being for that matter, but the manner they chose threw away the few gains they had made over the past dozen years and bought themselves decades of headaches. Iraq will prove to be another Cuba. Farther away for sure, yet it will prove to be a thorn in the side of America for generations."

Standing alone against the resolution were the British who argued that the United States wasn't as bad as all that. However, when pressed, British delegate Sir Arnold Hough allowed as how the Americans weren't all that great either.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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