Written by Revisorius

Thursday, 22 May 2008

image for Wiggles' Big Red Car Piles Up Over 100 Infractions in Eight U.S. States
Careful, 123 Guy--they're coming for you next

Taba Naba, Torres Strait -- Highway patrolmen and local police officers from 13 U.S. cities in eight states announced a concerted effort today to locate and impound a homemade automobile known as the Big Red Car for over 100 infractions ranging from no license plates to driving with what appear to be prop seat belts.

Though the vehicle has been successfully traced to Greg Wiggle of Sydney, Australia, authorities are interested in talking to Sam Wiggle, also of Sydney, who was seen behind the wheel of the car on several occasions in late March and early April of 2008.

Apparently savvy to interstate road laws, the perpetrators shuttle the vehicle from state to state in the back of a cargo truck before joyriding it to the sounds of thousands of screaming youngsters in whatever town they happen to be in, according to police working on the case. Traffic safety representatives have already expressed concerns that such behavior may set a dangerous example for tomorrow's young Big Wheelers.

Today's announcement comes after four weeks and thousands of man hours involving personnel from Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas and Iowa. "The Wiggles have proven more difficult to find than we'd originally hoped," said team coordinator Noel Crombie. "We spent a lot of time tracking the vehicle's registration to what we now believe to be a fictional locale called Wiggles' World, at an address known only as Wigglehouse."

Information from Crombie's three-year-old nephew Jeff eventually led the team to Australia. But without resources or jurisdiction in that continent, Crombie says he'll have to settle for a plan that begins with the letter "B" and is based on a tip that the free-wheelin' Wiggles may attempt to slip back into America via the southern states this summer.

"They're not toot toot chugga-chuggin' back through heah again while I'm on the case," said Officer Buford T. Justice of Texas, where rumors of a return visit by The Wiggles between July 31 and August 3 have been bubbling underground for months. "These show folk and their fancy fruit salad ain't puttin' no taint on my taters. Junior, where's mah Dr Pepper?"

In a related story, Oregon patrolmen hope to question Dorothy, a theropod, in conjunction with property damage that took place in and around Portland's Rose Garden Arena on the afternoon and evening of March 22.

Toodle-doo.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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