London, UK - A message from Osama Bin Laden was broadcast by the El Jazeera network today that carried renewed threats against the west.
Echoing the words of the late Saddam Hussain he threatened "the mother of all farts to be unleashed inside the White House and Number 10 - Allah be willing".
A BBC correspondent claims that Al Qaeda and Taliban operatives uncovered a secret British colonial army depot in the Tora Bora ranges that contained over a million cans of 150 year old baked beans.
It is believed that the depot was part of early British experiments in gas warfare located in Afghanistan and tested upon troops in secret. A spokesperson from the Ministry of Defence and MI-5 refused to comment.
Al Qeada operatives have made good use of their time sheltering in caves in the tribal areas of Pakistan preparing the renewed offensive. A five year diet exclusively composed of baked beans is a new weapon of mass destruction that has experts worried as it is difficult to detect until too late.
Gas was last used extensively as a warfare agent in the First World War and is banned by the Geneva Convention. Al Qaeda's new strategy combines biological improvised explosive devices that can be used by suicide bombers that can be silent and deadly.
The CIA has recognized that the new strategy poses a clear threat to the American way of life. New legislation to ban farting in the United States may be rushed through Congress.
Estimates are that an attack could be launched with less than 1 minute notice. The Underground system in London is an obvious target.
In a parting theatrical shot against the United States, Bin Laden pointed to the camera and dared George Bush to "pull my finger".
