Written by Clifford Rutley

Friday, 18 April 2008

image for Osama Threatens to Use His Gay 'Suicide Donors' To Infect UK Blood Banks With Aids in His New Video
Osama Bin Laden

In a video found on You Tube today, some scary looking brown skinned man wearing a turban and a big scary stick on beard, claiming to be Osama Bin Laden, even though his voice is completely different from all the other copy cat Osama's we've seen over the last seven years, and reporting from a cave that looked like it was made out of those Styrofoam rocks that you would see on one of the planetary sets of Star Trek The Original Series, gave a stark warning to the West today.

'Remove your infidels from our holy lands or I shall send my gay suicide donors to your blood donor clinics to give blood. I know your Aids screening process isn't full proof and if I send enough of them, then I know that many more of you will become infected!'

The image flickered for a moment as something that looked like a stage light fell into frame. This was quickly snatched away by the arm of some grey suit wearing white man who wore a gold Rolex watch on his left arm.

Then one of the rocks got scratched and desert coloured paint came off the Styrofoam, revealing the white stuff underneath.

The man proclaiming to be Osama Bin Laden (even though he looked much younger and healthier than the last time we saw him, where he was reportedly dying of liver failure in a US military hospital in Riyadh in early 2001), moved to cover the scratch before he continued, 'Mark my words, you mad dog killers, we will kill many more of you back unless you re-elect a Republican or Hilary at your next presidential election in the US. Only then, if they take away more of your freedoms, will the blood banks in the UK be safe!'

The image then flickered away, but we are still debating if the man in the grey suit had jumped into view at the last moment and had started dragging the Osama looking man away with a 9mm pointed to his skull.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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