Written by Fergus McCarthy

Saturday, 19 April 2008

image for Finlands 'Frog Fishermen' best in world.
Welsh team captain Mark Hoffrock.

The Finnish 'Frog fishing team' has once again taken the world title back to Helsinki amidst scenes of fervent and unashamed displays of patriotism mixed with an angry and potentially troublesome anti Welsh rally during which members of the crowd urinated on the Welsh national flag and then tried unsuccessfully to set it alight.

The three members of the team Jari Litmanen, Sami Hypia and Kimi Raikkonen were paraded naked through the narrow streets of the Finnish capital on the upper deck of an open topped fishing trawler dragged by over five hundred pregnant reindeer. the trawler stopped briefly outside the 'Cardiff Arms' pub to throw fish scale and reindeer shite snowballs at the windows while veterans of the Helsinki 'Whores and bores' choral society sang 'Tom Jones' and Shirley Bassey songs Calypso style.

Jari, Sami and Kimi were greeted at a civic reception by the Finnish President Tarja Halonen who presented them with the keys to the city, 14lb's of fresh herring and a Maserati key ring. Mr Halonen then performed the traditional Lapland Lap dance on each team member and sucked each nose as though it was his own.

Mr Halonen praised the trios victory and said that the courage and determination shown by all three to catch a frog on a fishing line in the Gulf of Finland was an inspiration to everyone when faced with a seemingly insurmountable feat and then proceeded to pour scorn on the other teams in the contest for refusing to set sail in a slightly lively force 8 gale.

"Their cowardice brings shame upon their nations and a pox on their houses" Mr Halonen told the drunken crowd from the balcony of the Helsinki's most famous bath house 'The frisky Herring'.

"We may not have caught a frog today but by God we tried!!'

Finland won the title as they were the last team trying after 72 hours at sea.

The Welsh team were interviewed at Helsinki's Vantaa airport as they boarded a flight home to Newcastle on a Ryan Air jet, team captain Mark Hoffrock made a brief statement to 'Wales at One' Evening news.

"Fly fishing! It said Fucking 'Fly Fishing on the invite! Wait untill we get these bastards back to Powys."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Wales, finland

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