Citing 'Victoria's Secrets' "hot-to-trot-in-the-sack-fancy-call-girl-undies-boutique-for-hotties," recent losses, CEO Sharona X. Turkey recently stated that, "The chain has gotten 'too sexy' and is returning to its 'ultra-feminine' roots." But, on Wall Street, the buzz of the day was would it be boom or bust?! President Bush urged calm and even said he will break the news gently to Laura.
Yet, word spread faster than a bitch in heat looking for a mate and nearly caused a riot in one upscale Manhattan mall for the well-padded woman.
"They were buying everything in sight," said, Ms. Jessica Altman of upscale New Rochelle, New York, "When I go to bed with Marvin, my husband, I want raunchy sex and these things get him going. What's happening to this place? I'm so sad. It's my favorite specialty shop. They make me look very alluring to my hubby! Hey, I'm even swiping that great cleavage poster, before they dispose of it. Such a shame! You should see Marvin when he passes this store. He talks about rushing home to make love!"
And, across America, men were enraged and cursing a blue streak. On Manhattan's artsy-fartsy Upper West Side, picketing TV soaps' respected-writer, Stanley Westerby, sounded off: "Look, my job is so demanding that I need to 'get off' every night to keep my sanity. I want a 'wife-whore' in my bunk at night, not a ridiculous 'ultra-feminine' as this wacko Turkey, CEO, wants, as a return to 'Victoria's roots. Listen, 'ultra-feminine' is for the gay boys. All they do is shop, anyway. And, I, also, don't agree with Turkey's 'softer side of sexy.' Men just want a real wresting match, anytime, and it ain't anything soft, believe me!"
We left Mr. Westerby at the checkout where he was loaded up with what he referred to as 'great cat-house fashions.'
"Hey, if I don't have a steamy sex romp at night with my trophy wife, Vivian, that isn't good. That means the soap the next day will be a bomb for the bored housewife. OK, let me show you. Here, as a present, give these crotchless panties to your girlfriend or wife. Then, talk to me, again. Here's my card. And, as far as Ms. Turkey goes, she's become one cold bitch.
"In my book, she's a lot better off running "Modern Embroidery." I'll bet she ain't getting any lately, either. That's where all this shit is coming from!"
And, I know the answer to their problem. Don't back off, but ramp up...just go for it; offer it all, even sex toys for the guys. And, through the grapevine, I've heard that a new CEO in the name of one Ms. Heidi Fleiss is ready to take over and turn up the heat! She's a sex-toy freak! I can't wait!"
