Awesome numerology of this year's Winter Solstice

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 20 December 2007

image for Awesome numerology of this year's Winter Solstice
The numbers really stack up for this year's winter solstice

Milky Way - (Cosmic Bad Ass Mess): Sky-watchers everywhere have reported increasing fears that this year's Yule celebrations will be marked by some cataclysmic karmic pay-back after studying the numerology involved in the astrological make-up of the cosmos.

At the heart of the conundrum is Jupiter's ingress into the sign of Capricorn ahead of Pluto's 28 January 2008 transit commencement.

"This is cosmic bad-ass stuff," a World Council of Soothsayers source said today, "and astrologically is unprecedented as a scenario in the last 230 years."

This year's winter solstice itself occurs at 6.08 GMT on 22 December and hastily begins to press all the raging Saturnalia buttons as the Sun and Jupiter meet 24 hours later at 0.57 degrees of the Goat.

"Fifty Seven? That's the year of the Suez Crisis and the Hellfire Club's worst nightmares as tosser Prime Monster Anthony Eden screwed up bigtime!"

By Xmas Eve, 24 december, the cosmic tempo accelerates to raging seismic proportions as the Full Moon, conjunct with fiery Mars opposes the Jovian/Solar conjunction at 19.47GMT.

"1947? That's the year the old Labour Party sold us the humunguous deception of the royal wedding of Princess Elizabeth and her fetid Greek spiv gold-digger suitor Philip Von Battenburg," the WCS source continued.

On Xmas Eve the December full moon will occur just as
the warlike planet Mars is closer to Earth than it will be again until 2016.

"Astrologically speaking this means you can expect some real badass shit to hit the fan."

The dire omens continue until Boxing Day - December 26 - when Mars in Cancer opposes Jupiter in Capricorn at 19.52GMT.

"1952? That's when Labour ratcheted up the Elizabeth/Philip royal deception and bumped off the man they planted to impersonate King George VI with a massive morphine overdose during his last lung cancer-ridden days.

"That automatically meant that the Elizabeth clone became Queen and the Hitler/Stalin treason alliance's calumny reached its zenith."

Traditionally Mars/Jupiter oppositions have been regarded with a degree of trepidation by astrology enthusiasts the world over.

This year's additional numerological co-incidences may prove enough to tip many sky-watchers over into the depths of irrversible lunacy.

But watch this space...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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