Written by poppyCEDE

Saturday, 3 April 2004

image for Kelly Osbourne Enters 4-Wheeler Rehab
"We're not Ozzie and Harriet" said Sharon Osbourne.

LOS ANGELES - Kelly Osbourne, the 19-year-old daughter of heavy metal star Ozzy Osbourne, has checked into a rehabilitation center for an addiction to 4-wheelers, her parents said Friday night in a televised interview. Kelly Osbourne's younger brother, Jack, 18, checked himself into a rehabilitation clinic last year and Ozzy Osbourne has been candid about his decades of battles with 4-wheeler abuse.

Ozzy, 55, and Sharon Osbourne, 51, talked about their daughter's problem Friday night on CNN's "Larry King Live." "We're not "Ozzie and Harriet" admitted Sharon, "but we never thought the florescent "DRUG, SEX and ROCK AND ROLL" posters hanging through the house would have lead the little buggers down the path of 4-wheeling."

Sharon recalled the days 5 year old Jack would imitate his father by peddling his tricycle around with a toy makeshift bong and baggie full of lawn clippings babbling "I f'n FEEL the f'n NEED, the f'n NEED for f'n SPEED" and pickup little Kelly who played dress-up in mumsie's clothes using a spoon from her toy tea-set to powder her nose.

Ozzy was quoted saying "Larry, we f'n never f'n realized it was a f'n possibility the f'n kids would f'n pickup any of our f'n bad f'n habbits. If we f'n only f'n knew. I f'n hope it don't f'n take a f'n crash like I f'n had for the f'n little f'n bastards to f'n learn the f'n pain those f'n 4-f'n-wheelers can f'n cause."

"We have always encouraged the kids to be who and what they are, the son and daughter of a rich and famous rock star, and to use that to their advantage because for some reason the world wants to know all about us" Sharon said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Los Angeles, Rehab

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