Hamburg, GERMANY - Still smarting from their defeat in World War Two, The German Government today announced plans to once again dominate the world, through a series of well-timed economic sanctions and carefully executed trade deals.
Speaking from atop her podium perch at the German Parliament, Chancellor Merkel made it clear that Germany is mad as hell, and isn't going to take it anymore.
"We trusted the U.S. and Great Britain." she fumed, "and you see where that's gotten us...STUCK IN IRAQ!" She continued, "From now on, we'll do things OUR way... The GERMAN way!"
At these words the German parliament sprang to it's feet and began chanting Merkel's name in unison.
Although it is unclear how Germany can dominate the world using only passive aggressive measures like trade deals and economic sanctions, the word on the German street was positive.
Else Heigel, who runs a pastry shop on Hitler Avenue, said she likes it when Germans act aggressively. "Ve haff bin too wimpy!" she said, "Ve need to dominate de vorld in order to save it. Ya! Ya!" She then offered to sell me some swastika shape schnitzel, which I declined.
A little further down the street, I spotted a violent-looking group of skin-heads. But before I could avoid them, I noticed they were reading the Berlin-Wall Street Journal, and laughing it up about how well-placed stock buys might tip the world's economic balance to Germany's favor.
I confess, I'm a little disappointed in this modern, resurgent Germany.
I decided to go back to my hotel and watch a re-run of Hogan's Heroes. Now THAT'S the Germany I know and love!