President George "Dubya" Bush was rushed to surgery last night after complaining of stomach pains.
Following a thorough examination and prepping for an emergency appendectomy, doctors at Walter Reed hospital were astonished to discover a 55-kg (that's 25 lbs for Americans) tumor tucked within the Presidential pouch.
Pathology results indicated that the benign growth was actually a "parasitic twin".
Dr. Sol Skalpel who headed the surgical team told reporters that sometimes in monozygotic-twin pregnancies (i.e where both fetuses share the same placenta) one fetus becomes enveloped by the other.
As the 'host' twin develops, the 'gobbled up' twin becomes a parasite - surviving only by drawing on the host twin's blood supply. Headless, parasitic twins are anencephalic (without a brain or 'brainless' if you prefer).
After birth, as the host twin develops the parasitic twin also grows making it appear as if the host has a 'big gut'.
Foreign leaders were quick to offer their best wishes for a speedy presidential recovery.
Closer to home devout Republicans (minus Veep Darth Vader) held a prayer meeting for their fearful leader's quick recovery.
Prime-time talk show hosts were quick off the mark with freedom-of-speech one-liners
"We always thought Dubya walked funny - like he was carrying a big football". Badda-boom
"GBW ambushes himself- shoulda learned to 'split' long ago". Badda-bing
"Are you sure they Terminated the right twin??!!". Badda-bing, badda-boom.
"It's Halloween - heeeere's the headless horseman. Onward into the Wawah on Terra!". Drum roll please
"GBW - giving new meaning to the phrase developmentally challenged"- (Canned laughter - ha-ha-ha)
The White House stated the recovering Prez and commander-guy was in his "usual high spirits" and couldn't wait to ride his lawnmower over Laura's pansies.
Presidential mom Baba Bush spoke to namesake Baba Wawa on The View "I knew there was something funny going on in there when I was carrying him - but then - with Dubya you never know what you're getting".
Following a quick baptism, the headless-brainless incubus (brilliantly christened George Ekswyzee Bush by his surviving sibling) was laid to rest at the family's ranch in Crawford, Texas - otherwise known as "The Western White House".
"Hee-hee", chuckled the World's Number One Leader, "now we both has our very own White Houses"
Delivering a simple eulogy ("cos ahm a simple man") Dubya bid his headless hump a tearful good-bye with these words "Ya aint heavy, you ma brother"