As the old adage goes, 'As one door opens another closes' and as a result of Global warming, scientists are declaring that the infamous North-West Passage is melting and will soon be open to shipping.
A war is looming between Eskimos in Resolute, Canadians in Quebec, and Americans from New Orleans - all of whom have a claim. Even Sir Richard Branson is declaring an interest.
Eskimos are setting fire to their canoes and pushing them out into the ice flows in an effort to keep the passage open all year round. This just proves 'you can't have your kayak and heat it too'
The Canadians have been trying to barge their way through with their Icebreaking ship; 'Amundsen'. Captain Pierre Franklin said today: "Our efforts are painstakingly slow because we have all these flaming canoes to dodge."
The Mayor of New Orleans claims that this is the very site of Old Orleans which was flooded in 1738 and can be found some 80 metres below the ice.
Branson, however, just wants to buy it so he can call it 'The Virgin Passage'.
However, the little known South-East Passage is closing up, sparking fears of a new phenomena called 'Global Freezing' Naturalists are carefully watching abnormal movements in animals: Polar bears are going to the ice fields of the South so that they do not have to shed fur; Emperor Penguins are marching North where it's warmer- they're currently at the equator surrounded by National Geographic Cameramen.
Neither Australia nor New Zealand wishes to lay claim to it although a family of Hobbits have filed a claim that it is clearly the road to Middle earth.
