Ham Radio Operator Mr. Finoocth's Cousin's Birthday August 31st

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Galactic Headquarters, Small Magellanic Cloud (IP) - Mr. Finootch should not be confused with his cousin. Mr. Finootch looks like a character on either an Outer Limit's episode or Twighlight Zone episode where a bank employee who is a book worm and wears thick glasses survives a nuclear attack on New York City while reading a book inside the bank's vault. He later stumbles onto the remains of a library where he finds enough books to read for the rest of his life only to lose his glasses at his triumphant moment of glory. Mr. Finootch looks just like that character only he is a little taller and thinner.

Sometimes he is seen wearing a white lab coat and when he goes into town he wears plaid pants with a paisley shirt and his pants are worn way too high up past his waist. In his shirt pocket are about a dozen pens and pencils neatly lined up in a pen holding gadget that fits neatly in that pocket.

Even though Mr. Finootch lives outside the Main galaxy he constructed a complete replica of the part of the Earth he where he originally resided and lives less precariously within that manufactured environment.

Mr. Finootch is not a democrat but has been chosen by Hillary Clinton to be HER running mate.

Outside of his house are various ham radio antennae. Also parked there is a large camper and a tractor. Inside the house there are large telescopes with dust covers over their objective lenses and a plasic baggy is placed over the occulars and finder scopes and held there tightly with rubber band so as to ward off dust. There are also many sets of binoculars of various sizes. His rooms are filled with radio scanners as well as receivers and transmitters. Many of them are military surplus vintage.

His library is filled with NASA books printed by the Superintendent of Documents and there are also many military manuals, Ham radio directories, survival books, Orwell and Huxley books, and many music books. Other books deal with hunting, fishing, cooking, nature, foreign language dictionaries, and many other books too numerous to remember what they all are.

Two of the rooms are filled with various stringed instruments and there are a few amplifiers, some are old tube amps. There are also music stands and music books and a complete library of music instruction DVD's available on ebay which teach note for note how to play blues and rock.

There are sheds full of fishing gear and other stuff. Outside the rear house are three smokers and a barbeque pit and five gallon containers of waters. In the rear house and elsewhere are stores enough of #10 sized cans of
freeze dried foods to feed 2 people for 3 years. There is a vegetable garden outside.

Mr. Finootch should not be confused with his cousin whose birthday is August 31st. His cousin loves to play the Power Ball and the Mega Millions lotteries. He lives on Earth. On his birthday there will be a fish fry and steak cookout and maybe even a jam session. It has not rained in a month but rain is guaranteed to fall even if its not predicted by the nerdy weathermen out of Chatanooga about 100 miles to the west or the by weather channel. A combination of Murphy's law and orographic lifting will see to it that it rains.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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