Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to Mr. Finootch

Sunday, 5 August 2007


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Fuukengroovin, Swiss Alps (IP) - Social handyman, amateur astronomer, bass player, and writer, Dr. Ebenezer Finootch will receive this year's Nobel Peace Prize for his work on how to achieve racial harmony through melanomic segregation and his theory on how to make ethnic jokes less volatile through the use of his "Fill-in-the-blank" method.

In his book, "The Survival of the Species Thru Melanomic Segregation" Dr. Finootch coins the phrase: "Two or more groups of people with varying degrees of melanin in their skin can not occupy the same niche". This theory has led to the proposal of segregating society into equal but separate groups where the people who all have 100% melanin occupy the same place, those with 99% melanin another place, and so on. The rule must be applied with 100% participation of all members within each group and once this is accomplished there will be 100% racial harmony.

In his second work known as the "Fill in the Blank" method of reciting ethnic jokes Dr. Finootch prescribes the following methodology for the peaceful execution and politically correct method of ethnic joke telling : Instead of mentioning a specific group as being the subject of an ethnic joke the group's name is substituted by the phrase, "fillintheblank" all written together as shown to conserve space. Here are some useful genereic examples that may be employed by the joke teller :

    Why do fillintheblanks cry during sex? The pepper spray burns their eyes.

    How do you starve a fillintheblank? Hide their food stamps under their work boots.

    Why is a fillintheblank like a broken gun? Because he won't work and you can't fire him.

    What do you call a fillintheblank in a three piece suit? Defendant.

    What is the most confusing day where fillintheblanks live? Father's day.

Dr. Finootch says that all ethnic groups are equally racist and points out that every new group of immigrants to arrive will suffer verbal abuse, name calling, higher incarceration rates, physical abuse, and then finally acceptance as the next wave of new immigrants arrives hungry for their fair share of abuse.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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