In a memo received by prison officials yesterday, the Trickster warns of a 'massive exodus of inmates' at the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center. Cebu, which means cuckolded in Puerto Rico, has been allowing the prisoners to practice a dance from Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video.
"The 'Thriller' technique is actually an ancient form of martial arts. It combines a secret form of Tai Chi mixed in with the deadly style of Tae Kwon Do known as Squatting Farter Hunching Shagging. Now they know how to attack as a unit. It's only a matter of time before they attempt to take over the Center.
CPDRC, whose warden position is currently vacant, had no comment. Our insider, Scoop Johnson revealed that, "The former Governor quit because he wanted to put on a reproduction of the Broadway musical Cats but the prisoners wouldn't listen to him citing, 'It's a cuisine, not a show'."
Philippine officials said they would beef up security in the coming weeks. "I only hope it's enough," said Provincial Governor Gwendolyn F. Garcia.