The Wrath of Khan

Written by Chuck Terzella

Monday, 16 February 2004

A.Q. Khan, the ‘Father of Pakistan's Bomb' has reportedly suffered a heart attack, just two weeks after receiving a full pardon for selling Pakistan's nuclear secrets to anybody with fifty bucks and Mc Donald's gift certificate in their pockets. Apparently, Mr. Khan and his wife both are gravely ill, according to unconfirmed reports and are not expected to live. Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf was quoted as saying, "Boy oh boy, is this a shock, or what? Imagine, a guy gets caught selling our countries nuclear secrets, gets a full pardon because my people would rise up and kill me if I were to have him arrested, then, without warning, both he and his wife are near death. Gee, now that's unexpected."

Khan has led an exciting life. After being cryogenically frozen and sent into space for two hundred years, he was accidently released by Captain James T. Kirk of the Federation Starship Enterprise. After attempting to take over the ship he was recaptured and marooned on Ceti Alpha V, until he was once more inadvertantly released by Cmdr. Chekov, now in command of the Reliant...oh, wait...this isn't right. I was talking about A.Q. Khan, not Khan Noonian Singh. Forget that last paragraph.

Mr. A.Q. Khan, not Khan Noonian Singh, has been a revered figure in Pakistan ever since he developed Pakistan's nuclear capability, giving his country the ability to destroy India, Kashmir and most likely his own country as well. Thermo nuclear warfare has been a cherished dream of Pakistan ever since India decided that they absolutely, positively, just had to have an atomic bomb. Unfortunately, Mr. Khan decided that everyone ought to have the means to destroy the world, especially if it put some cash in his pocket, thus leading to his (ahem) heart attack.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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