The Mummy - Jim Hotep of Egypt - has returned. After a curse was put on Hotep which condemned him to wander around buildings, wear bandages and strangle people for three thousand years, he has decided to give it all up for a job as a librarian.
"It was becoming rather monotonous", said a remarkably clear-speaking Hotep, talking through ancient rags which have covered his mouth for millennia. "One can only do that sort of thing for a while before it gets a trifle dull. It's a rather foolish pursuit anyway - but what could I do? The dullard who cursed me left me with no option".
Hotep was left to wander the twilight world twixt life and death by Pharaoh Thothmes The Twat, after being caught 'in flagrante delicto' with one of Thothmes' servant girls and an urn of linseed oil. "I was merely trying to help her with her odious chores", said the unrepentant Accursed One. "She plainly loathed doing the damned things, so I was giving her a hand. In bursts some barmy High Priest with a gaggle of itinerant eunuchs, and the last thing I remember is being wrapped in bandages, with the priest doing his nut over something or other. They even stamped on a new fez I'd recently acquired, and ruined the rim".
Hotep - looking remarkably fit for a man riddled with flesh-eating scarabs - has written a letter of complaint to the United Nations Commission On Human Rights over his treatment: "I protested in the boldest terms that the sentence had been overlooked for far too long. You can't expect a chap to readjust to modern life, after scurrying around a pyramid wearing nothing but filthy remnants of cloth for years. It's simply not on".
Hotep is currently starring in a stage production of 'Carry On Up Your Sarcophagus' at the Osiris Theatre, Thebes.
