Written by Chuck Terzella

Monday, 29 December 2003

United Nations Inspectors have revealed that Iraq, Iran and North Korea have secretly developing Bush Weapons of Mass Destruction in direct contravention of UN treaties.

Mohamed El Baridei said yesterday, "These nations all had fairly advanced Bush programs, which is worrying to us. At the present time, only the United States has an active Bush Weapon which we at the UN have been trying to get the US to dismantle. This weapon is completely unstable and any proliferation of Bush's could only contribute to a more dangerous world. As we've seen, one Bush can easily destroy an entire country."

The United States has on the one hand insisted that Bush Weapons are safe and that the program should be continued for another four years, while on the other hand threatening any country that it suspects of having Bush aspirations. Bush Weapons are also incredibly expensive; the United States has gone from a multi-trillion dollar surplus to a multi-trillion dollar deficit in the three years that the latest version of the program has been in effect.

It may be remembered that early in the 1990's America attempted a Bush Weapon's Program, with dismal results. The problem with the second generation Bush is that it seems to be actually less precise than it forbearer. In an era of ‘smart weapons' the Bush appears to be a throw back. "The first Bush that the US developed was a ‘smart bomb'," said El Baridei, "and as such it had the support of the majority of (UN) member nations. When used against Iraq it proved to be very targeted. This new version however seems to be aimed everywhere...Afghanistan, the Philippines, Iraq and now Iran and Libya, among others. It's a dangerous situation. The thing is, the weapon seems to think it's intelligent and focused, yet it is subject to conflicting commands coming from all sectors of the Administration...one day the Secretary of State is aiming it, the next the Secretary of Defense and then it's the National Security Advisor. You never know where it's going to hit next. If it could actually think for itself there may be some hope for it, but given its programming we doubt that will ever happen."

Libyan strongman Colonel Muammer Khaddafi has vowed to dismantle his Bush Weapons program. "It's too unstable even for an admitted lunatic like me.," he said in a recent interview. "I don't know what America's thinking, letting the program continue. You'd think they'd have more sense than that."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Iraq, Iran

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