Portugal, the country with Europe's toughest abortion laws, has accepted that some women should be allowed abortions, but only if they have been out with the cheating, diving, greasy Portugese footballer, Christiano Ronaldo.
Portugal, a deeply religious Catholic country with strict laws about abortion and what you wear in bed, does not permit abortions under any circumstances by law, so for them to allow women to have abortions after a night out with Ronaldo isn't saying a lot for Ronaldo.
Team mate and England forward, Wayne Rooney, whose nights out with granny prostitutes have never forced unwanted pregnancies anywhere, was unavailable for comment last night, but his agent did say: 'Aren't you the geezer from Barcelona?' before putting the phone down.
If any of these issues have affected you ring our confidential Spoof Abortion Hotline, where your call will be treated with utmost sensitivity by a nun. The number is written across the tits of the 12 year old lovely on page 3.
