New artificial third arm available at Amazon Dot Com

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 15 August 2019

image for New artificial third arm available at Amazon Dot Com
Amazon offering bonus packages for Third Arm sales (plus free delivery)

This week Mr. Bezos of Amazon has been pleased to announce a breathtaking development in facilitating use of cell phones and tablets.

A third arm attachment is now available (attachment harness at the shoulder) so that a person is permanently able to hold his/her device at the right or left ear.

Customers can now have three arms, one permanently raised and holding the apparatus, with the other two free for other purposes.

Any casual observation these days shows persons on sidewalks, in restaurants, at home around the family dinner table, or at work, with upraised arm holding the instrument.

Alarming medical problems attend this use of the raised arm, such as “diminution of blood supply”; “permanent aching and paralysis”; and “inability to lie down at night due to arm frozen into position.”

The AMA, however, is objecting to any possible “artificial relief of this problem via money-hungry solicitors.”

Mr. Bezos has responded that his pot may be black, but that of those calling it black is blacker, given pharmaceutical prices these days.

Pain-relief under the Bayer Label as “Arm Hysteria Ultimate Relief Tablets” is also threatened, with 30 tablets currently priced in the 100 dollar plus range.

Concerns of the AMA and Big Pharma, however, are due to quickly fade as even more astonishing developments with “the third arm” are emerging.

Mr. Bezos has also announced a forthcoming third arm that is "thought-capable."

This means the apparatus is able to compose messages plus text responses to relieve the customer of that part of his day.

With incoming calls handled by “a personal assistant third arm”, a customer may attend to other matters, such as eating, sleeping, and recreational activities.

Third Arm Technologies, indeed, are beginning to sprout all over the globe, with China’s Huawei Corporation very interested.

Future Third Arm applications will not only handle phone calls, emails, text messages, etc., but also fashion and shape the news throughout the day.

News at lite, medium, or heavy, with specials in “government conspiracy theory denial programs” will soon be available at the Third Arm’s fingertips.

Mr. Bezos has also announced a “Two Third Arms for the Price of One” promotion program, for those with interest in additional programming input for an average day.

Two third arms raised may also assist a person's survival in case of armed robbery, or general assaults on the populace.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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