Now being reported in society pages across the globe, members in the One Percent Club are enthused with recent innovations to increase self-comfort.
That is, Italian millionaire Gianluca Vacchi, aged 52, has just surfaced, according to Russia Today, as “the consummate European playboy.”
With the current crisis for One Percenters on their lifestyles becoming jaded (as with, "Oh, our games quickly tire, you know?" from an anonymous contributor), anything new regarding “freedom and creativity” beckons with gleaming red eye.
Mr. Vacchi’s accomplishment is to have along on his yacht several bikini-clad young ladies who obligingly bend over to promote their rears across housing on the foredeck.
He then drums out rhythms on their behinds.
According to some reports, the models chant at the same time:
This old man, he played one
He played ticky-tacky on my bum
With a ticky-tacky golly-wolly
Give the dog a bone
This old man goes rolling home!
One percent circles are reported quite eager to embrace this development, particularly from the set with each one percenter possessing several yachts and pin-striped private jets.
Stocks at Narcissism & Self-Pleasuring Enterprises Incorporated have risen with this development.
Richard Branson is reported considering an entire orchestral adaptation of Mr. Vacchi’s techniques on a specially built stage for his private island.
A search for models has brought in numerous requests from young women on how to apply for the position.
Key applicant requirements:
*Flexibility in garment, attitude, and ability to bend over
*A docile, pleasant temperament (at good pay)
*Moderately pleasing singing voice and ability to memorize the “this old man” lyrics
Mr. Epstein has not yet been contacted for his response, and whether he might move in this direction after serving his time, and as to what age-group he would prefer for the endeavor.
Mr. Clinton hesitated before responding, “Look, I’m busy right now. Perhaps you could get back to me later?”