Man Just Sat Around The House All Day Doing Absolutely Fuck All

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

image for Man Just Sat Around The House All Day Doing Absolutely Fuck All
How many drops of rain are there on the window?

Sundays, for everyone, are a time for relaxation, for taking it easy, and for spending time doing things that we don't ordinarily get a lot of time to do, such as washing the car, mowing the lawn, or just sitting around the house all day, doing absolutely fuck all.

That was what was on the agenda for one man at the weekend, after his wife had taken their children to her sister's house at the other side of town, leaving him all alone at home, and to his own devices.

Lazily, he ambled around and ate some breakfast, but thereafter, the day was a lame duck.

He tried reading a book, but couldn't concentrate, then he wondered about the news, and spent more than an hour aimlessly staring glassy-eyed at pages on the BBC website, taking nothing in.

For a while, he looked out of the window, before hitting upon the idea of listening to some music. The enthusiasm for this soon faded, however, when he thought about having to go upstairs for his computer, and having to get it all set up.

He knew there was nothing on TV worth watching, so he grabbed a pen that was within his reach, and a piece of paper, and began doodling on it, in lines, circles, triangles, squares, stars, 3-D cubes, bubbles, abstract shapes, stickmen, going over the same lines again and again, back and forth, until he eventually went through the paper onto the table.

Midday came and went; he laid down on the floor for a sleep, and woke up around 3pm. He went to the toilet, and, whilst he was in there, considered brushing his teeth, but it would be teatime soon, so it wasn't really worth it.

He went for a walk upstairs, then came downstairs again, and had a sit down. For a while, he twiddled his thumbs, but when this proved unproductive, he stopped, and 'drum-rolled' his fingers on the window sill, to tunes only he could hear in his head.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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