Szjlobovjian Parliament Vetoes Daylight Saving Time

Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Monday, 25 March 2019

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Delicious when rolled in buckwheat dough

While the United States Congress appears to be poised to pass a measure mandating Daylight Saving Time for fifty-one weeks of the year, the tiny East European republic of Szjlobovjia has taken the opposite tack, with its parliament unanimously rejecting Daylight Saving Time outright.

"Ordering our citizens to arbitrarily re-set their clocks twice-a-year, smacks of Orwellian-Stalinist red tape!" declared Interior Minister Szjlobodjn Mjkhajlowskji. If they choose to get up earlier to take advantage of increased daylight hours, good for them!"

"To that end, we have made a cellphone app available to citizens and foreigners alike, who subscribe to our federal government website. Subscribers now have the option of selecting an alarm that sounds like a grouchy old granny shouting: "Get your fat lazy lard-ass out of bed already! The sun's about to rise!"

"A similar measure was instituted fifty years ago under communism, but the technology was not yet ripe. What they did back then was grant a rooster to every family, urban and rural alike. For the first week, most citizens woke up when the rooster crowed. For the second week, they got up early for a breakfast of chicken dumplings. By the end of the third week, the chicken dumplings were all gone, so people resumed sleeping in."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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