A writer on a satirical news website has recounted how, despite writing for more than 18 hours of each and every single day for the last 12 years, he still can't dredge a story up that might score him some serious pointage.
Moys Kenwood, 65, writing under the anagrammatical name 'Monkey Woods', has written in excess of 3,000 useless bits of utter garbage for TheSpoof.com, a site where the last dregs of humanity ply their wares for free, so that they can see their aliases 'in lights'.
A recent piece of turd that he 'churned out' received only 8 views, whilst others have barely broken into double figures.
Kenwood says that, no matter how hard he tries, he just can't get it right, and that the only successes he has ever had at all on the Spoof, have been a story about a vuvuzela getting stuffed up a man's arse, in 2010, and a terrible piece that went viral in 2008, about the vaginas of pop duo, Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears, which has so far netted him more than 5million views.
Despite this, he remains philosophical:
"I'll give it a couple more years," he said, "and, if it's still no better, I'll have to 'up' my workrate."