Pasadena, CA. Scientists at Cal Tech's Jet Propulsion Laboratory here revealed today that the unbelievably cold air mass that has throttled the American Midwest for several days was, in fact, a vast Siberian air pocket that was forced over the North Pole and into the U.S. by Russia. Cities like Chicago and Minneapolis have suffered from temperatures that have fallen as much as minus fifty degrees.
"We always knew it could be done, but we didn't think the Russians had the technology to do it," said a JPL weather expert. "The methodology is relatively simple once you decide you want to do something like this. What's even more intriguing, is that the air mass actually gets colder as it moves over the pole, and retains that temperature for days."
President Trump dismissed "the Russian connection" as the imagination of demented global warmers. "I just called President Putin, and Vlad gave me, strongly, in no uncertain words, that the Russians would never do something like that. And I believe him. He wouldn't lie to me."