Satirist and part-time social scientist, "King David" discovered a link between bald, African American men and discipline today when he tapped into a universal pattern naturally linking the two. It was said that the satirist was on assignment observing a successful school in North Carolina when he happened upon the link.
"I discovered this connection after meeting the school's ISS (In School Suspension) coordinator who was a bald, African American man," the satirist said.
He said that this finding was consistent with the school that he works in that also has a bald, African American man in charge of ISS.
"This phenomenon is not uncommon," says philanthropist and Negrophile Magazine's online editor, Richard Sanditoff. "Ever since the '60's African American men have been bucking convention and shaving their heads for a more distinguished and sexy look."
Dr. Patricia A. Inlaw, a clinical psychologist in Baldimore, who is also shaved, says that "it takes a confident man to wear his head like that. It's a sign of vulnerability and self-assuredness. Women love this and think it is sexy."
"Something about a bald man just grabs my loins and makes me want to take off my clothes," says Fashion editor, Ms. Beavershavenstein, 41, of Bald Head Island, North Carolina. "I think you get to the real essence of a man when he's bald. There's not a lot of room for pretense."
The link between baldness and discipline, however, is probably found in a "no nonesense image" that baldness represents. "Mr. T" is a prime example of this, or George Foreman.
Other celebrity black men associated with baldness and discipline are: Boxer, Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Michael Jordan, actor, Louis Gossett Jr. and "white face" actors, Yul Brynner and Telle Savales a.k.a. Kojak.
Harlem Globetrotter, Curly Neal and TNT comentator, Charles Barkley were aberrations to the rule since both men tended to display too much wit and humor.
But philosophers pondering the connection tended to disregard the theory and explained simply that these black men were merely realistic fatalists trying to get a jump on entropic principals already working in the universe and didn't want to cope with growing old and losing one's hair at the same time.
"These are the bald facts," said UNC philosophy professor, Ebony Rasputin. "That's too much loss to have to deal with at one time."
In other news today, Britney Spears paints her bald, beaver black.
