ANCHORAGE, Alaska- Residents living near Snowzilla were first angered by the gridlock in their quiet town. Little did they know what attention the snowman would bring after it melted. Just when they thought their nightmare was over, it has only just begun.
Senator Ted Stevens, who wanted to build a bridge to nowhere and called the internet a "series of tubes," was found frozen in the middle of Snowzilla. Though his body was encapsulated in a block of ice, he is expected to make a full recovery.
"We thought he was just on recess," said one resident.
It is thought the he warmed himself using the tubes of the internet, which luckily for him got clogged and allowed warm air to remain in the tube. If not for this, he would have perished.
The citizens of Anchorage are concerned that Senator Ted Stevens cares more about building a giant snowman than sending money to better causes, such a building schools, reconstructing levees, or helping the environment. Ted Stevens argues that he was helping the environment, trying to build a huge glacier out of snow.
"I don't buy it, "said President George W. Bush," but I do know one thing. That if we unleashed the snowman into Iraq we would not even need a surge. You're doing a heck of a job, Stevens."
The average American was less enthusiastic about Steven's actions.
"He was hell-bent on constructing something pointless at the taxpayer?s expense," said one resident. "He was going to stop at nothing to make the nation feel the wrath of his overspending. He did not sacrifice but horded, and for this, he is receiving the metal of freedom," said Vice President Dick Cheney on Meet the Press.
