Santa, after telling Rudolph "I'm get'n too OLD for this crap", finally made his delivery to Denver last night, 6 days late. Claus, back on Christmas night being saddled with not only a blinding snowstorm but 2 totally wasted Reindeer as well never made it to Denver, his crew setting him down in the middle of Thailand instead.
Santa says that Dec 25th his GPS went totally hey-wire, after he and the Reindeer lifted off from Colorado Springs headed for Denver a few miles away. Claus in an exclusive interview with Anderson Cooper today explained,
"Blitzen was blitzed I don't know what that deer was on and Donder, he said he wasn't smoking any Pine Tree Leaves that night at the Pole before we launched but I know he was. I can't even believe Rudolph anymore after that street walker incident in Bangkok."
"Rudolph's on unpaid leave" Santa pointed out.
Denver children, not happy but "satisfied" that Santa finally arrived 6 days late spoke. Jimmy Peters of Aurora said,
"I'd have shot the fat guy's EYE out with my BB gun if I'd seen him. And IF I had a BB gun. Mama keeps making me watch that dopey Christmas movie from before Moses was born so I can't have a BB gun. Santa better NOT show up here next year I'll kick his BIG fat rump, the Reindeer's rumps too Mama can I have a BB GUN?!"
Santa's global PR firm is expected to release a full page ad tomorrow in the Denver Post expressing his sincere regrets for the Denver delivery delay along with 3.2 million Happy Meal 20% off coupons to all Denver kids that can make it to their nearest McDonald's without them and their entire families getting fatally stranded in the snow on their way to Mickey-Dee's.
