Ivanka Trump in Trouble With Vatican For Reproducing Shroud of Turin on Bikini

Written by XRhonda Speaks

Friday, 30 June 2017

image for Ivanka Trump in Trouble With Vatican For Reproducing Shroud of Turin on Bikini
The controversial Ivankini™ which uses a pattern from the shroud of Turin (details blurred).

First Ivanka Trump's fashion company was sued for copying a chastity shoe (left foot only) made by FashionIkon in Transylvania. Now Ivanka Trump Collections™ is in hot water with the Vatican and true believers in the miracle of the shroud of Turin for the way ITC used an image of the shroud.

ITC had already raised a few eyebrows with it's "Put Your Faith In Their Face" fashion line that features an image of the famous shroud on overpriced socks, scarves and t-shirts (CrucifixTee $112 MSRP). That in itself is no big deal: even in Turin, Italy, home to the remnants of the shroud, you can buy hats, puzzles, and coffee mugs with an image of the shroud.

The trouble came about when Ivanka's fashion company "strategically" placed the holy image on a bikini (Ivankini™ $279 MSRP)--that crossed a line with Pope Francis, Catholics, and vampires everywhere.

Vatican Spokesman, Monsignor Stacy Oleg, expressed his dismay to reporters while accidentally admitting to the existence of a secret Vatican security force. "You would think Ivanka would have at least sent us a few samples from their line--I mean for the Sisters of Joanna who often have to work undercover in civilian clothing."

So was Monsignor Oleg's admission of the existence of the Sisters of Joanna really an accident--or is it a warning to Ivanka and others who might abuse the privilege of reproducing holy images for profit?

Ivanka's legions of her father's former lawyers (she at least still pays them) blamed a rogue designer for the Ivankini, they also claim the designer retired to Venezuela and has since died.

After major chains like Drecker's, Marcy's, and even Scam's club dropped Ivanka's line, consumers flocked to dollar stores to snap up items from Ivanka's "Faith" collection, some collectors bought every Ivankini™ in stock.

According to collector Chip Konami it was a real opportunity.

"I think decades from now the Invanka Bikini will be a real window into the times we currently live in. Even if the value never increases, which I kind of doubt, when can you buy a piece of history for a dollar?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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