Doomed Malaysian Airlines flight MH370, missing since March of 2014, has finally been found in a Clearwater, Florida man's basement. The flight consisting of 12 crew members and 277 passengers was thought to have crash landed in the Indian Ocean some four hours after takeoff.
Apparently the plane got caught in a rare super-sonic jet stream current that propelled the plane all the way across the Pacific Ocean to where it subsided some 70 miles west of Clearwater, Florida. Running low on fuel the plane's pilot was forced to make and emergency landing at the man's macaroni and cheese farm, destroying over 30 acres of mature macaroni and cheese.
"It was pretty traumatic", exclaimed farm owner John "Lefty" Righty. "The plane just swooped on down like a hog diving for a mafia leg in a mud hole, and skidded over a whole mess of my macaroni and cheese plants which were just entering the bagging and boxing stage. The pilot was so embarrassed over the whole fiasco, he asked me if we could conceal the plane in the basement of my house. I broke the plane down with my Craftsman tool set which my wife stole for me last Christmas".
"Apparently the crew and passengers didn't want to leave the farm because: firstly, they love macaroni and cheese and secondly, had no intention of reuniting with family members, as it was, they took the flight in the first place to get the hell away from them all".
"I've got some living in a couple of spare bedrooms and the rest are spread out over two oversized barns where we keep the horses, pigs and porcupines. We use the porcupines to make Amazon style blow darts out of their quills. I just told them to be cognizant of where they sit down."
"They are really nice people, never complain and go about their business quietly so I don't mind them being here. They do lend a hand when it comes to picking the bagged macaroni and cheese".
As of press time the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) was considering fining John "Lefty" Righty for not having a proper permit for breeding and housing porcupines.