President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has scheduled a conference to study whether or not the Holocaust actually happened. His Deputy Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mohammadi assured the Iranian press that President Ahmadinejad was never "Stay the Denial," and was always willing to hold a conference on the subject of the Holocaust. "The Holocaust needs more study," said the Iranian leader," now we can pay scientists to manipulate our findings. What, the microphone is still on? Dang it."
The conference is not without it's controversy, as Fred Leuchter, a former executioner and Nazi sympathizer who denies the Holocaust ever took place based on a flawed study will be a keynote speaker at the event. Football star and murderer O.J. Simpson's request to testify was denied after the fears surfaced of him getting another book deal after the Holocaust conference ended.
When asked if any Jews would have their voices heard at the conference, Manouchehr Mohammadi stole a page from former Senator Conrad Burn's book, saying, "we have a secret plan to study the Holocaust, but we cannot tell the Jews our plan. They would just mess everything up."
The world community hesitantly embraced Ahmadinejad's decision, knowing full well that the study could be manipulated. However, Ahmadinejad assured skeptics that he is out to seek the truth. "I am all for uncovering truths and displaying our progress to the world community," said the Iranian president. "Just keep your weapons inspectors out of our nuclear facilities, I mean, power plants."
The U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan is expected to file the paperwork related to the Holocaust-study findings, a task that the U.N. says could take another sixty years to complete and could put filing paperwork related to the ongoing Darfur genocide on the back burner.
"It is too bad. We were just thirty years away from filing the necessary paperwork to send U.N. troops into Darfur," said Secretary-General Kofi Annan. He assured the world community that the U.N. was focused on stopping the current genocide, but "need to analyze Iran's Holocaust study to confirm that what is happening in Darfur is actually genocide."
Annan added that, "Chinese leaders still weren't convinced that it would be more profitable for them to stop the on going genocide and that the United States said that the public outcry in their country was not great enough to take action."
"You have public outcry towards the genocide in Darfur? I know how to subdue those pesky activists: by denying that the genocide in Darfur is taking place. I mean, I am willing to open my mind to new ideas," said President Ahmadinejad.
