French Foreign Legion troops brandishing hi-tech baguettes marched into the Jungle last week and bashed it so badly, it ended up in crumbs! Inhabitants of the jungle were seen fleeing the safety of urine saturated trees, bushes and other watering holes with pieces of stinking camembert stuck to their curly-haired heads after being bashed into surrender!
The Tricolore was raised after this outstanding victory. Jungle inhabitants who attempted to escape were caught in huge fishnets erected around the jungle to keep them in and not to let them out because the UK's surrounding seas have been heavily over-fished, and this once proud island really does not need any more alien jungle creatures emptying their pots.
French President, Francois Hollande, who is rather flat, praised his Foreign Legion Baguette Bashers for their superb, historical victory, and even mentioned The Normandy Invasion of 1945 on his stale garlic breath;
"Messieurs et Madames, France has shown to ze world zat one baguette in ze bush is worth many in ze jungle et baguettes in ze jungle; non si vous plait!"
The UK also praised French Foreign Legion forces and told Francois, "Qui could not have done it better!" (A seldom statement from the UK admitting that something another country has done is better!)
Many jungle inhabitants have now been replaced in French zoos, others, not so lucky, have been deported to Bulgaria (They bash with real weapons!). Others who escaped the attack were spotted swimming in the English Channel! Passengers on ferries threw lumps of stale, tasteless English sandwiches, purchased on board, at them, believing they were a school of passing hump-back whales in dire need of nourishment (?). This obviously disturbed the natural instincts of scavenging sea-gulls, who scavenge for a living, but only French ones of course!
